Honeymoon holiday with the kids.

First of all, I know me and my wife are going to hell for having children out of wedlock but I was bullied into it ( very easily persuaded ).

My wife and I got married in May of 2019 and we also had the newest member of our family arrive not long before on the 28th February 2019. Ronnie, like all of our other children, wasn't exactly planned.

I had always imagined our honeymoon being just the two of us in the Maldives or on a safari somewhere in Africa. Neither really suit my skin tone as I’m the same colour as a muller light yoghurt but the memories would have been worth it.

But like so many plans in life, the kids ruin everything .. how unfair !!!

So we booked a family-moon on the romantic island of Lanzarote. It was me, my wife as well as an 11 year old, nearly 2 year old and a 5 month baby so the odds of getting up to all the fruity stuff that you would think would occur on a standard honeymoon were really not in my favour at all.

We had a lovely queen sized bed in the hotel room which was just the perfect size for our middle child Theo, to make sure that contact between me and my wife at bed time was non-existent.

I find it hard to let grudges go and I have plans in place to get Theo back when he is older. One day when he has a partner sleeping over, dad (me) will be right in the middle between the pair of them just to get my pay back.

I want to leave you with some tips on taking a young family on holiday to help you guys mentally prepare on what to expect;

• Pack snacks. Once you’ve done that pack some more, because if you want some peace snacks are pretty much the only way to keep them quiet and still for a couple of minutes, and we all know what we can get done in a couple of minutes lads.

• Make it your mission to meet another family. This way, you can try and trade your own children off with the other family so you and your new wife can try and get 20 minutes in the hot tub together.

• When all the stresses and reality kicks in, you’re going to need somewhere to let off some steam. My advice is jump in the swimming pool, swim as far away as you can and submerge underwater. Scream and shout because the people around you can’t see or hear you letting off this aggression then go hit up the mini bar for a stiff drink.